Depression And What It Means To Me

de·pres·sion/diˈpreSHən/

Noun:
  1. Severe despondency and dejection, accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.
  2. A condition of mental disturbance, typically with lack of energy and difficulty in maintaining concentration or interest in life.

It’s no secret that I have been diagnosed with major depression.

For me, it comes from a place I am still unsure about.  The therapist says one thing, I say another.  Either way….it’s something I have to deal with.  It never goes away.  I have awesome days, I have good days, I have ok days and I have really bad days.

So what brings this up today?

This picture was posted in my Facebook feed today:

girlbodypride.com, depression

If you haven’t read every article on girlbodypride.com, GO NOW!

I immediately broke down crying.

The other day I was having a conversation with my BFF and I couldn’t explain how depression felt.  Yes, when I have great days I might be great for weeks…even months.  But underneath everything, I have that nagging voice who whispers what a loser I am, how stupid what I said was.  How I will never ever be good enough for my husband, my kids, my friends.  On the outside, I portray a put-together woman.  Inside, I am mostly everything else.

Depression is hard.  I sit in my living room and wonder why it has to be like this for me.

I am very lucky to have a very supportive group of people around me.  Both people who have and who haven’t had to deal with depression before.  They lift me up when I need it and hold my hand when I am crying.  I know that not everyone has that same support.

I was able to go through a mental health facility for an intensive summer of therapy and group classes.  It helped tremendously.  Check for details in your city.

And if you ever feel like you’ve reached a point where suicide is an option (no judgement here – I’ve been there)….call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.  Anytime.  24/7.  1-800-273-TALK(8255)

Until next time….

6 thoughts on “Depression And What It Means To Me

  1. I think Dave Matthew’s Band “Grey Street” really captures how it feels to be depressed. I’m sending you lots of hugs and love!!

  2. (((hugs))) I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there and to be honest, I think it never left me. I’m pretty much like that commercial where the depression follows the lady around and after getting help, he’s still there but, he doesn’t bother her as much. Every single time I look at that commercial, I think to myself…that’s me.

  3. Well, Andrea, welcome to my life. For me it’s SO hard for anyone to understand my illness which is borderline personality disorder. It wreaks havoc in my life. Any kind of depression is the worst!! It’s an Invisible Disease. Depression is a serious medical illness. In contrast to the normal emotional experiences of sadness, loss, or passing mood states, clinical depression is persistent and can interfere significantly with an individual’s ability to function.

    Depression can be devastating to all areas of a person’s everyday life, including family relationships, friendships, and the ability to work or go to school. Many people still believe that the emotional symptoms caused by depression are “not real,” and that a person should be able to shake off the symptoms if only he or she were trying hard enough. Because of these inaccurate beliefs, people with depression either may not recognize that they have a treatable disorder or may be discouraged from seeking or staying on treatment because of feelings of shame and stigma. Too often, untreated or inadequately treated depression leads to suicide.

    A diagnosis of depression is made if a person has five or more of these symptoms and impairment in usual functioning nearly every day during the same two-week period. Symptoms are:

    sad mood
    loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed
    change in appetite or weight
    difficulty sleeping or oversleeping
    physical slowing or agitation
    energy loss
    feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt
    difficulty thinking or concentrating
    recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.

    The side effects will debilitate a person. Most people don’t understand what it feels like to have any form of depression. If any one in your family doesn’t understand this disease they will not keep it in mind 6 months down the road. This makes life even more difficult because no matter how bad you get they will have forgotten that you have this debilitating disease. When you keep saying “it’s because of my depress” soon they will tire of hearing this and think that you able to be “happy” again when in reality depression is a silent disease!!

    I love you, Andrea!

    Aunt Sheri

    • Oh, by the way, Andrea, you are a VERY brave young woman to come out and tell people that you have depression (any kind of depression) and how much I admire you for doing so. It can help other people/friends to read about it and think maybe I have depression or it can hopefully help your loved ones to understand this disease. I understand it 100%!! I will know that it isn’t just being sick and in a week you will feel better. We wish that though!! I hope for your sake people will keep it in mind forever!!

      ~~Aunt Sheri

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