Day 24 – Something that makes you cry

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these and since I am trying to be a better blogger…..so why not.

Something that makes me cry…….well.  If you know me well, you know that list would be huge.  Hallmark.  Biggest Loser.  A romantic movie.  A book.  A love letter.  A out-of-the-blue hug.  But lately, the biggest cry inducer has been my health.

I think everyone knows that I have been “sick” for awhile, dealing with migraines.  Not everyone knows that I am also dealing with depression.  I haven’t made that completely public although therapy is helping me realize that there should be no stigma related to that.  Although I think we all know that there is.  Depression = crazy, right?  Anyway – I was officially diagnosed last year but who knows how long its actually been.  I have bad days…and good days.  Like most of you.  There are things that aggravate it.  Things that makes it better.  There are days when I feel “normal” (as normal as I can be eh?? lol).  I’d been putting off actually going to therapy because I was one of those people who didn’t believe in it.  I figured I would go to therapy and the counselor would take something small and insignificant and make a big deal out of it.  I figured therapy would make things worse.

I gotta tell you – so far, things are not that way.  Sure, my therapist leads me to things I might not talk about in normal conversations.  And sure, I get angry about things I don’t want to talk about.  But by the end of the session, I feel good.  I feel like eventually, we are going to find out why I’ve retreated into myself and why I am feeling the way I feel.  She has her own idea……which, I am not sold on.  I guess I am still fighting the system a bit.

I have learned three things:

1.  I let certain people walk over me.
2.  I compete with everyone.  Actually, I don’t know if compete is the right word but I don’t know another one to use.
3.  I need to be in control.  This is so evident since having kids.

I gotta tell you, the control issue took me for a loop.  Me – a control freak?!?!  But I totally am.  It explains A LOT!  It really does.  The funny thing about it is that if I can’t be in control……then I completely lose ALL control.  It’s very strange…I don’t get it.

ANYWAY.  So I cry a lot.  I cry because I am sad.  Or I don’t feel good.  Or my head is pounding.  Or I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed.  Or because I miss someone.

I also cry because my husband knows when I need him to hold my hand, wipe my tears or be completely silly.  I cry because I have two smart kids who are also loving and generous.  I cry because I have a support system who loves me, no matter what.

I like those good cries the most.

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6 thoughts on “Day 24 – Something that makes you cry

  1. (((hugs)))I'm glad you're recieving help. The garden will help you as well. Try to focus on the things that bring you joy and happiness and DO THEM! Don't wait for the right time or finances to be straight..JUST DO THEM!Search for joy!I'm going to another festival this weekend looking for it…lol

  2. LOL – you are crazy! And you will be happy that I see no typos. 🙂 I hope you plan on blogging about the fest. I'm searching…..always searching. 🙂

  3. your brave andrea, not everyone is strong enough to lay it all out like that. I think it makes you strong as well. I'm proud of you and this post.

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